Saturday, February 4, 2012
Dead Blog. Finally able to update it. The last time was 8th sept. Yea that fateful day before my enlistment. Well I shall make this a nice summary
PTP & BMT was the most memorable day of my life till now. The bunk mates I had. The training I got. Well I could'nt imagine myself doing those things such as not bathing for 6 days 5 nights. Living in the middle of the jungle & in a shellscrape. Getting to fire live rounds & going for urban ops training. It was fun. I was in Viper Company. The company that is quite mind-fking. They always kept us on our toes. Never giving us a break. My 24km Route march was another one. I thought I would fall out halfway. But well I did'nt. Managed to finish it with a few big blisters here and there. Still did my graduation parade. =D
My PC, PS & Sec Coms were like the most understanding bunch of guys. They only punish us when needed to and compliment us when we did well. I guess i was really lucky compared to the other platoons.
Now I'm in SCS. Echo Coy. Culture shock for me as the training is not as tough as BMT. The way they do things here is totally different.
Anyway the reason why i decided to blog suddenly after so long it was because of my OCS navy Interview ytd. I screwed up. I Did'nt come across confident. I was so confident of meeting the guy before I go in. But when i go in, my balls just shrank. I did'nt know what to do. I fked up every single thing. The CO also did'nt give me chance. He kept hammering me and hammering me until i broke down. Even when i was really in many pieces he just keep whacking those doubts into me. No chance even compose myself. But I will never forget his words.
"Wether you become a 3rd Sergeant / 2Lt in the army, navy / air force, You better be confident of what you do. Because you will have men under you. They are not going to follow you if you show this type of behaviour."
" You got potential but no confidence to execute"
Honestly I'm happy He failed me. A Good wake up call. All these 21 years of my life. I knew it but I just refused to accept the fact that i'm capable cause I've always seen better people. Maybe that's why I lack the confidence. I know I can do it. If not why have so many people trusted me with things over the years. But In the SAF I'm just afraid that I will offend the higher ups because of what I say. I really wish to speak a free mind but its quite restricted. He really tore me up, broke me down. In my view, I think he purposely did that. so that if I come back again for the interview, he would really see a much mentally stronger guy & not some weak shit that is supposed to command a team of men.
For now I need to graduate the top 10% in the whole cohort in order to see him. But then again, Is this what I really want?
Labels: I know I Can Do It
Fight on Saturday, February 04, 2012
