Wednesday, July 27, 2011
NOW I CAN START RANTING MY ASS OFF!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA.
OKK 1stly I'm working at Tyco Electronics =D as a temp drafter getting underpaid i feel =(.
2ndly. Its her. YES HER HER HER. OKK. Her bday is coming up, so ya thought of doing stuffs again. Then after that I just feel that, she aint gg to appreciate nuts. I can bring her to a $80 buffet to eat. But she likes another guy. and if he brings her to a $8 meal, the effect would be 10x greater with 10x cheaper. YA SO THIS FEELING SUX OK.
I'm just her good friend. Nothing more, everything less. I'll never make an impression in her life. I'll forever just be oh friend. Sometimes i just feel we are even strangers. That she was only open to that other guy. and not me, she dont wana lose me?
Like I said viscous cycle, she like him, i like her. But why is it that when she gives up on him, i must give up on her? its like I thought there was a chance? but i know that it will never happen, now i'm really regretting i add her as friend on fb and still talk to her. omg dumb fk or what. You see her update her wordpress you also feel like you're just another hi - bye fk off friend.
She wont even bother if i died tml / the next day cuz there was really no spark at all. Ya i'm self physco ing myself now! I'm like just banging my head harder against the wall as each day pass. she wont even appreciate me if i'm gone. Then again it ain'nt my loss if she did'nt appreciate me.
i still rmb when i confessed she was like " oh you're too good for me, you deserve someone better" i just felt like telling her if i'm too good for you, then why cant you appreciate me for once?? why do u still cling on to a guy that just mysteriously disappeared from your life when he does'nt even give a shit about you.
I smsed her hey sunday rmb mj ok. i knew she would reject me said busy or smth and i was spot on! fking good right, if only i could do it with toto everytime. =.= then i still ke kiang ask her next sunday any plans? cuz i asked her out for dinner and now i'm thinking " screw it sure tio reject one, dont put so much hope into it, even better dont put a single hope into it"
Now me and my frend already say, just dont bother, if she feel that your presence missing is impt, she will come and talk to you. but i doubt it will happen cuz she's surrounded with so many other better suitors to choose from.
If she read this and we still can be friends maybe good for both of us, I really wish had i chance but its been nearly 6 months already and i think it's time to give up hope.
So for now, go into NS, train up, get back a hot bod, make her regret. finish.
Fk and i still cant believe i could tear over giving up. DIFFICULT CHOICE BUT IT WAS ONE THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO.
Fight on Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Erm how should i start off this post?
its been 1 week since we chatted. I sms you and get no reply. I post on ur fb all and it gets deleted. just when i thought i screwed up AGAIN and all of a sudden you came up to me on msn and say hey? You really are an unpredictable person. And today i did'nt get a single reply from you. What happened?
You know sometimes I think its a vicious cycle. You like this guy, willing to do all the stuff for him and yet at the same time you shut other guys out. Ya well its happening to me now. I like you, I will do all the things just to at least make an impression in your life, hoping that I matter to you. But now i know no matter how hard i try, so long as your heart is not open, i will always fail.
At times i can just smile to myself thinking of you. At times i only look forward to your name when an sms comes in. I'm just another hi - bye, good morning - good frend to you i guess. Cuz so long as you like him, I will nvr stand a chance no matter how much i'm willing to sacrifice.
Sometimes i just envy that guy. The guy that takes your heart away by doing nothing.
Well I'm confused now. Really..... What do I want?
Fight on Monday, July 11, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
why am i feeling this way? what she felt for that guy is what i'm feeling for her right now. well. its a vicious cycle and i guess i'm at the end of it. screw my life.
Fight on Thursday, July 07, 2011
