Saturday, February 4, 2012
Dead Blog. Finally able to update it. The last time was 8th sept. Yea that fateful day before my enlistment. Well I shall make this a nice summary
PTP & BMT was the most memorable day of my life till now. The bunk mates I had. The training I got. Well I could'nt imagine myself doing those things such as not bathing for 6 days 5 nights. Living in the middle of the jungle & in a shellscrape. Getting to fire live rounds & going for urban ops training. It was fun. I was in Viper Company. The company that is quite mind-fking. They always kept us on our toes. Never giving us a break. My 24km Route march was another one. I thought I would fall out halfway. But well I did'nt. Managed to finish it with a few big blisters here and there. Still did my graduation parade. =D
My PC, PS & Sec Coms were like the most understanding bunch of guys. They only punish us when needed to and compliment us when we did well. I guess i was really lucky compared to the other platoons.
Now I'm in SCS. Echo Coy. Culture shock for me as the training is not as tough as BMT. The way they do things here is totally different.
Anyway the reason why i decided to blog suddenly after so long it was because of my OCS navy Interview ytd. I screwed up. I Did'nt come across confident. I was so confident of meeting the guy before I go in. But when i go in, my balls just shrank. I did'nt know what to do. I fked up every single thing. The CO also did'nt give me chance. He kept hammering me and hammering me until i broke down. Even when i was really in many pieces he just keep whacking those doubts into me. No chance even compose myself. But I will never forget his words.
"Wether you become a 3rd Sergeant / 2Lt in the army, navy / air force, You better be confident of what you do. Because you will have men under you. They are not going to follow you if you show this type of behaviour."
" You got potential but no confidence to execute"
Honestly I'm happy He failed me. A Good wake up call. All these 21 years of my life. I knew it but I just refused to accept the fact that i'm capable cause I've always seen better people. Maybe that's why I lack the confidence. I know I can do it. If not why have so many people trusted me with things over the years. But In the SAF I'm just afraid that I will offend the higher ups because of what I say. I really wish to speak a free mind but its quite restricted. He really tore me up, broke me down. In my view, I think he purposely did that. so that if I come back again for the interview, he would really see a much mentally stronger guy & not some weak shit that is supposed to command a team of men.
For now I need to graduate the top 10% in the whole cohort in order to see him. But then again, Is this what I really want?
Labels: I know I Can Do It
Fight on Saturday, February 04, 2012
Thursday, September 8, 2011
tml i start my NS. 9th sept 2011. =D going in with a positive attitude.... hope i have enuff time to update this blog when i book out. see ya guys =D
Fight on Thursday, September 08, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
i miss your presence.
Fight on Monday, August 01, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
NOW I CAN START RANTING MY ASS OFF!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA.
OKK 1stly I'm working at Tyco Electronics =D as a temp drafter getting underpaid i feel =(.
2ndly. Its her. YES HER HER HER. OKK. Her bday is coming up, so ya thought of doing stuffs again. Then after that I just feel that, she aint gg to appreciate nuts. I can bring her to a $80 buffet to eat. But she likes another guy. and if he brings her to a $8 meal, the effect would be 10x greater with 10x cheaper. YA SO THIS FEELING SUX OK.
I'm just her good friend. Nothing more, everything less. I'll never make an impression in her life. I'll forever just be oh friend. Sometimes i just feel we are even strangers. That she was only open to that other guy. and not me, she dont wana lose me?
Like I said viscous cycle, she like him, i like her. But why is it that when she gives up on him, i must give up on her? its like I thought there was a chance? but i know that it will never happen, now i'm really regretting i add her as friend on fb and still talk to her. omg dumb fk or what. You see her update her wordpress you also feel like you're just another hi - bye fk off friend.
She wont even bother if i died tml / the next day cuz there was really no spark at all. Ya i'm self physco ing myself now! I'm like just banging my head harder against the wall as each day pass. she wont even appreciate me if i'm gone. Then again it ain'nt my loss if she did'nt appreciate me.
i still rmb when i confessed she was like " oh you're too good for me, you deserve someone better" i just felt like telling her if i'm too good for you, then why cant you appreciate me for once?? why do u still cling on to a guy that just mysteriously disappeared from your life when he does'nt even give a shit about you.
I smsed her hey sunday rmb mj ok. i knew she would reject me said busy or smth and i was spot on! fking good right, if only i could do it with toto everytime. =.= then i still ke kiang ask her next sunday any plans? cuz i asked her out for dinner and now i'm thinking " screw it sure tio reject one, dont put so much hope into it, even better dont put a single hope into it"
Now me and my frend already say, just dont bother, if she feel that your presence missing is impt, she will come and talk to you. but i doubt it will happen cuz she's surrounded with so many other better suitors to choose from.
If she read this and we still can be friends maybe good for both of us, I really wish had i chance but its been nearly 6 months already and i think it's time to give up hope.
So for now, go into NS, train up, get back a hot bod, make her regret. finish.
Fk and i still cant believe i could tear over giving up. DIFFICULT CHOICE BUT IT WAS ONE THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO.
Fight on Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Erm how should i start off this post?
its been 1 week since we chatted. I sms you and get no reply. I post on ur fb all and it gets deleted. just when i thought i screwed up AGAIN and all of a sudden you came up to me on msn and say hey? You really are an unpredictable person. And today i did'nt get a single reply from you. What happened?
You know sometimes I think its a vicious cycle. You like this guy, willing to do all the stuff for him and yet at the same time you shut other guys out. Ya well its happening to me now. I like you, I will do all the things just to at least make an impression in your life, hoping that I matter to you. But now i know no matter how hard i try, so long as your heart is not open, i will always fail.
At times i can just smile to myself thinking of you. At times i only look forward to your name when an sms comes in. I'm just another hi - bye, good morning - good frend to you i guess. Cuz so long as you like him, I will nvr stand a chance no matter how much i'm willing to sacrifice.
Sometimes i just envy that guy. The guy that takes your heart away by doing nothing.
Well I'm confused now. Really..... What do I want?
Fight on Monday, July 11, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
why am i feeling this way? what she felt for that guy is what i'm feeling for her right now. well. its a vicious cycle and i guess i'm at the end of it. screw my life.
Fight on Thursday, July 07, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Now I guess i can really give up.
Labels: Cry
Fight on Tuesday, June 28, 2011
